Hemolysis Avoided

Last weekend my sister and mom went to my uncle's house for his twin daughters' confirmations. When they arrived yesterday the carried with them a bag full of treasure. By treasure I mean morel mushrooms. I have not eaten a morel in ten years. They are incredibly delicious and super easy to make. They thing is, since the last time I'd eaten one I was 8, I had of course never cooked one. I was a little bit worried about the prospect of doing this because as I learned in the best book ever written, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, morels are complete with a hemolytic enzyme. I can't remember exactly what this does, but the latin prefix heme- means iron, and in this case relates to your blood cells. And I remember -lyse means to break or split so it becomes quite apparent that something bad could be happening to those all-important red cells. Thankfully, neither me nor my mom died from my cooking. I will admit though, I felt like a bit of a hypochondriac because at every twinge of my stomach or possibly-imagined headache I was certain my blood cells were lysing by the thousands.

The way in which they were prepared is almost ridiculously simple and uber delicious. It goes like this:

1. Put saltines or another such crumby, salty cracker in a contraption of some sort.
2.Break them to tiny bits with gusto.
3. Clean and chop morels while the butter and olive oil heat up.
4. Crack and beat up an egg.
5. Dip morel pieces into the egg to coat and then into the cracker crumbs.
6. Pan-fry over medium heat until browned but not dark.
7. Eat slowly, looking towards the sky in ecstasy at this gift from Spring.
8. Repeat step seven as much as possible.